• I was driving home from work this morning, beautiful summer Saturday, thinking of going down to Port Dover for the beach this afternoon. When tears started again.  Driving is the worse for me, my guard softens under the monotony of the road and I start to cry, again.  Transforming one’s self is hard work, no pity needed or really wanted, but it is different than I thought it would be.

Pros – able bodied, a bit over the fresh date and 25 or so orthopaedic surgeries leave their mark but I can still keep up.

– smart – I can read and write in English fluently, I’m able to talk to dogs and cats and I can do my own groceries, laundry and grass.

– compassionate – 3000 years of nursing practice, 18 years of motherhood, yup, I’m compassionate.

Cons-

dont really feel great about myself, scared about the future (can I really hold this all together, can I move forward), will I be alone forever (been kind of alone emotionally for a long time.

A wonderful friend of mine said that it takes courage to transform, only the brave make the effort … The rest turn back, settle and wonder what might have been. I’m not turning back, I don’t know what’s ahead but I am never going back